Recently I have found that God has really shed light on my lack in ability to really feel, address and navigate emotions. I have done some digging which is so necessary when trying to understand something about yourself. Without knowing the root cause how are you ever going to fix or heal with more than just a bandaid? Personally growing up emotions were seen more as a burden than anything. Or at least that’s how it felt. I love my parents and they are amazing people but I was never taught how to truly control my emotions. It became easier to deal with issues in my family and within my personal life if I just never even went to that emotional place. Fast forward to now it takes so much to really get me upset or frustrated, it takes so much for me to really get hurt or sad. I used to see these things as good things and to some extent they are. But I have been living my life under-feeling. I have learned that the Lord is calling me away from that. Our God created emotions. He’s a God of emotion. Our Father created us to feel. He feels. In Genesis 1:27 it says “so God created human beings in his own image…” We are made in the image of God. For me I had to realize that it was not the emotion that was wrong but that it was the hands that held that emotion that carried it wrong. You may find yourself resonating with this. Maybe it wasn't your parents that kind of got this ball of pattern in your life rolling. Maybe it was a sports coach, an ex-boyfriend, your own mind, the list can go on. Was I crying a normal amount? sure. Was I belly-laughing with my friends? sure. But did I really truly understand how to empathize? No, I didn't. Did I understand my triggers and why I had them? No, I didn't even think I had triggers. You get the picture. The best way I could describe it is I was going through the motions. But my problem is I was putting my emotions in the wrong hands. While it would be nice if people handled my emotions with more care, at the end of the day it is not their responsibility. God’s hands should be the only hands all over your heart and emotions. For he is the ONLY one who knows what to do with them, who can truly see you and guide you. While we are here to love and serve him, he is also here to love and serve you! You just have to allow him to. I had to learn to allow him to truly be ruler of my heart and this was a huge missing piece.
