Engagement

Let me just say, I am so excited for this blog!! Engagement has been the most fun season of my life, but also one of the hardest. I am so excited to share some tips, tricks, and knowledge I have learned along the way. (Also, read to the end to hear from my fiance!!) Let's jump into it! 

Before we get into some advice I want to talk about how beautiful the parallel of engagement/marriage is to how Jesus loves us....A pet peeve of mine is when people say, "I didn't know what love was until I met my husband/wife". I knew what love was; I LOVE my mom and dad, I LOVE my sisters, I LOVE my friends, I LOVE my nieces so much I would jump in front of a train for those sweet little girls, and I LOVE Jesus with my whole heart. Meeting Mitchell didn't teach me how to love, but it did show me the magnitude of how much Jesus loves me. Isaiah 62:5 says, "As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." If the love that Mitchell and I have for each other is just a glimpse of how much Jesus loves me, then that changes everything. It changes how I see The Lord and how I understand his love. I am His bride who he rejoices over. YOU are His bride who he rejoices over! Rest in that truth. I also love how 1 Corinthians 13:2-7 describes love: “If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This verse is one I pray over my future marriage all of the time, it is what I want our relationship to embody. I also like to remind myself that this is how Jesus loves me though. He is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs, and he always protects me. I don't know about you but, that gives me so much freedom and hope. 

Now let's get to the practical advice!

THE ENEMY DOES NOT WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED.

Engagement is so fun, and such a beautiful time of celebration, but it's essential to remember that there is an enemy who is out to steal, kill, and destroy and he does NOT like marriage. He despises it. Especially a marriage between two strong believers; That is his worst nightmare. So let me take a weight off your shoulders: if you're engaged and fighting more than normal and are getting attacked more than normal, you did not make a mistake, you're simply making hell tremble. The devil will do anything to keep two godly people from becoming one. This was definitely a part of Mitchell and I's story. We had more conflicts come up during out engagement than we ever had while dating, granted our 2 year long engagement probably didn't help lol. But in all seriousness, this scared us, and we doubted our decision. It wasn't until we had a mentor look at us and tell us that it was the enemy attacking, doing everything in his power to turn us against each other that it clicked for us....we didn't make a mistake. If anything, this was confirmation that we were walking in what The Lord had called us to and the devil did not like it. 

KNOW EACH OTHER'S #1 NEEDS

The biggest piece of advice we have received during our engagement is to know each other's number 1 needs. A women's number one need is love and a man's number one need is respect. This changed everything for us. For so long, I had been trying so hard to show Mitchell love but, I was failing to respect him. Vise versa, Mitchell had been showing me upmost respect but failing to love and cherish me. Neither of us were meaning to, we were doing what we thought the other needed. When our perspective changed, our relationship changed. Ephesians 5:21-28 speaks to these needs and how a biblical marriage should be carried out, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." I think a lot of times this verse scares us. "What do you mean I have to submit?! I'm not doing that!" were my exact thoughts. When you take a better look at it, God is giving us the blue print to a happy marriage. If the wife submits and is respectful, and the husband cherishes and loves his wife as Christ loves us then you have a 100% chance of making it. This not only meets each other's needs but it also makes you attractive to one another!

PREMARITAL COUNSELING IS ESSENTIAL

The Bible gives us example after example of how important community and mentorship is. Eli mentored Samuel, Daniel mentored Nebuchadnezzar, Paul mentored Timothy, and Jesus mentored the disciples. Mentorship is not only crucial, it's biblical. If you take any advice from this entire blog, get a mentor!! Whether you're engaged or not! If you're single find an older woman who will mentor you. If you're in a relationship find a married couple who will mentor you as a couple. If you're older find a young girl who could use a mentor and make it happen! We all need community, and when we start to share our struggles with one another God starts to break through walls. Galatians 6:2 puts it this way, "Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ". 

GIVE YOURSELVES SOME TIME TO JUST CELEBRATE

Whether you have a 2 year long engagement like me, or a 6 month engagement. Give yourself at least a week or in our case a few months to CELEBRATE. Wedding planning is fun, but it can become consuming. Take it from me, and set aside some time to simply be engaged and to celebrate that with your fiance and your friends and family! You only get to do this once. 

Q&A WITH MITCHELL!!!!!!!

How did you know that I was the person the Lord had for you?

The process is longer than most people think. For me, It didn’t come after one night or one day of being together. Yes, there were days and nights where I felt like she was the one, but did God say she was the one? There was constant prayer, constant confusion, and constant struggle, because the reality of it is that relationships aren’t pretty. But over the course of our relationship I saw God answer prayers, I saw Him work in our lives in ways that drew us closer to Him. And I knew after a while that hell would tremble at the sight of us getting married. And that’s when I knew she was the one God picked out for me. 

What has been your favorite part of being engaged?

My favorite part has been the recent anticipation. Finding a venue, cake testing, finding a honeymoon destination, and sending out invitations let you know just how real it is. And also seeing all the love and support from friends and family that are genuinely happy for Mallori and I. 

One piece of advice for a newly engaged couple reading this blog?

Realize you’re on the same team. This is the first time you’re gonna be making big decisions that you’ll remember for the rest of your life and it can get stressful. The whole dynamic changes, from in-laws, to heightened expectations, to more personal sacrifices. Me and Mallori have arguably had more fights and conflicts over the last 2 years than the whole time we were previously dating, solely because of the process of learning what it means to be a husband and a wife. Don’t get discouraged and don’t over complicate it; just keep God in the center, make sacrifices for one another, and communicate. Easier said than done, but the impact those three principles have had on me and Mallori have been relationship saving. 

Do you have a verse that you have held onto during engagement?

I like to refer to two verses. Proverbs 31:10 “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” In a world where marriage and the relationship between a man and a women is promoted by the devil and the sins of the earth, I always remind myself how lucky I am to have found someone far richer in value than anything this earth could offer. Ecclesiastes 4:12 “though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This verse reminds me that the relationship between me and Mallori is for God’s glory. Through him there is nothing that we can’t accomplish for his kingdom. 

Engagement is a beautiful gift from The Lord, but it can also be really hard. Invite people in, remember you're a team, and celebrate well! We hope and pray that this blog was a blessing to you and came just at the right time!

xx Mitchell & Mallori