Marriage

Tell us a little bit about yourself! Who are you, your interests, your family, etc!
I am thrilled to be sharing a little of our story and talk about one of my favorite subjects…marriage! Grab your favorite cup of coffee and let’s chat. My husband, Mark, and I have been married for 28 years. We have 4 adult children so we are very close to being empty nesters. Our daughter and son-in-law are expecting our first grand baby in June and we couldn’t be more excited about that! In this new season we find ourselves having more time when it is just the two of us. In our spare time we love to find a local spot to hike, search out new restaurants, and travel.

In your own words explain to us the biblical framework of how God designed marriage.
God designed marriage to be a covenant relationship with Him between a man and a woman. God is at the very center of this design. A covenant is more than
a contract or just an agreement, it is a lifelong commitment. Too often society demonstrates that if marriage gets tough or your spouse is not making you happy to just exit the relationship. This is not the plan God designed. We made the decision early in our marriage that divorce was not an option.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife: and they shall become one flesh. ‘be joined’ means to cling, cleave, or to keep close. I love this wording. God designed us to be one in marriage.

If you could only give 3 pieces of advice to a newly married couple what would they be?
The first one would definitely be to communicate! Don’t assume your spouse knows what you are thinking or feeling. This can be a struggle for some to share their heart and for some of us it’s really easy. This is not a hard one for me…you can ask my husband. When we got married we were coming into marriage with different ideas of what communication looked like. My parents communicated well and often and Mark’s parents were much more reserved. We had some work to do on what healthy communication would look like in our marriage. This is still something we are both very intentional about working on. We both process things differently. I want to talk through every scenario and Mark likes to think it over and then talk about it. One of these is not right and the other wrong, they are just different. The goal here is to learn your spouse and then come together to find the most effective way to communicate. It takes lots of practice!
The next one would be to set boundaries around your marriage. Think holidays with the families, work, church, kid’s activities, and friends. There are so many good things that compete for our time and attention. The goal here is to make sure your marriage relationship is the top priority. Some things will be a solid boundary and some things will need to be adjusted over the years. The key here is to communicate your thoughts and desires around each of those things.

The last one I lumped into one….Pray together, go to church together, serve together!

Pray-Hearing your spouse pray for you is one of the best things you will experience in marriage. This is the person you share your world with. My best advice here is to open up and be vulnerable with him, share what the Lord is teaching you in this season. This can be awkward to start doing but trust me it is worth it. This vulnerability will create a new level of intimacy
in your marriage.

Church -Make this a priority early in your marriage. We were not great at this. We went to church every Sunday but if I am being honest we were
there more for the social aspect then the spiritual one. We did not truly grasp the importance of all three of these acts together until much later in our marriage. Once we did, our marriage shifted and grew in ways we would have never reached had we continued just showing up for “church”.

Serve- This is one of our favorite things to do! Currently we are serving
together as Marriage Mentors and also lead a Young Married Lifegroup with another couple. We haven’t always served together though. At different times we have each had a place where we felt the Lord was
leading us to serve. The point here is to be in community with other believers and to put the needs of others above your own. Look for ways to
do this. Paul gives us this instruction in Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another
as more important than yourselves; do not merely look our for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
I’ve got one more…Find a hobby early in your marriage that you enjoy doing together. This can be as simple as going on walks or doing a puzzle. We have found that we love to find local spots to hike. We have some great conversations while exploring and getting in some exercise. Don’t wait until your kids are grown to do this. Start now!

Is marriage really as “hard” as people say?
Hard? No. Work? Yes! Like anything else in life, we want to be successful we must work at it. We must be diligent and intentional. Have a weekly date night to
connect. A healthy marriage doesn’t feel like work. Dream of the future together, this is one of my favorite things to do together. Set goals for your
marriage and your family. Go on a date night once a year just to dream about the year ahead. Be intentional!

What is the best part of marriage?
Would definitely say doing life with someone who chooses to be with you. The amazing thing about marriage is that you get to hang out with your best friend every day. Sharing the good, the bad and the ugly with someone. They have seen you at your best and your worst and still loves you for you.

What is the hardest part of marriage?
The hardest part for me would be keeping it fresh and not getting in a rut. The day to day life can get in the way, if you let it. Much of what we see in culture
about marriage is that our spouse should make us happy and keep us that way. There is nowhere in the bible that God demonstrates this. This mindset is
setting up our spouse to fail us. The easiest thing I have found to avoid this is to look for ways every day that I could make Mark’s life a little easier. Maybe it’s
making his lunch for work, taking out the trash, it might just be a note of encouragement. The goal here is to show him how much I value him and our marriage. I will leave you with this….have fun together, laugh often, other than salvation, marriage is the greatest gift the God gives us. Enjoy it!

xx Mary Ann