Dating

Dating Advice you may have not heard before: 

I’ve heard the advice, read the books, etc and still was thrown some curve balls in my dating journey that I wish people would have talked about. So let's do it!

Every stage is seriously such a gift. I know we have all heard that before and want to roll our eyes when we hear it. But seriously, every stage has the potential to be a season you look back on and can only give God all the praise and thanks you have to give because that's how amazing his work is. While I haven't made it to the engaged or married stages yet I have made it to the single and dating stages. Right now I am in the dating stage with the best man and God has really allowed this relationship to rework the way I perceive and understand dating and marriage. For starters truly understanding your roles as partners is crucial to having a successful Christ centered relationship. Really understand that marriage is a symbol of God's love for the church. That’s why people say we are his bride, it’s symbolic. God died for his church (his bride). Man should die for his wife, laying his life down daily is God honoring.  Women's job is to support and build him up. She submits, and is a helpmate. There is much more to the roles within a relationship, I would start in Proverbs to understand these deeper.

Think about what the church does for Christ and his kingdom. In the bible it says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” in Proverbs 18:22. It doesn't say girlfriend, boo or shawty! You are not a wife when you finally get the ring or on your wedding night. Those things create a covenant, which is beautiful and does cause a huge shift in your relationship but couples are waiting way too long to start walking in the truth they are called to. You are a wife before you are even in a relationship! I don't wanna wait till I have a ring to be a Proverbs 31 woman. How are we supposed to be practicing and preparing for marriage and trying to figure out if we can even do marriage together if we don't know what we are called to. It just makes sense, there is a reason God's word says what it says. It is important that you take the time to understand this from a biblical perspective because you would be surprised how unaligned Gods truth is with the world's idea of a relationship. While dating try to remain in this truth and focus on letting your spirit women come out. Don’t wait until marriage to be the women of God you are designed to be.

 I think it is very important to understand going into any kind of relationship that more than likely God plans of growing you and challenging you in some way through this. Think about it, why would our Lord put us with someone that is just like us, what growth is in that? You want to add to each other and you can not do that if you do not have differences that you can share with each other to ultimately make each other more like Jesus. So that means we will be faced with a lot of differences and challenges. I think it’s easy to see these things as a threat to the relationship but the moment you realize that working together and inviting the challenges instead of shying away, you as individuals and your relationship will grow. My biggest advice would be from the very beginning EMBRACE it. Do not fight it. I for one made this mistake, I was getting my boyfriend trying to challenge me confused with changing me. I was so resistant to growth at first. But him asking me to improve my communication skills is actually not an attack on my character, it's just an area I can look more like Jesus in. It’s not wrong to challenge your partner but there is a line you need to be aware of. Hear me, it should challenge you not control you. Once I realized that everything he was challenging me with aligned with God's word, I finally surrendered and it was such a pivotal point in our relationship. And remember that your partner is on their own growing journey too, always give grace and understanding. Never withhold yourself because of their short comings. As long as both parties are truly putting in effort and prioritizing Jesus there should always be a love that gives grace through that process. There is a reason people say opposites attract. And I am by no means saying this is the case for everyone but I think the Lord loves taking two people that have great strengths and heavy weaknesses opposite from each other and making amazing God fearing couples out of them. Partners calling each other high is a beautiful thing, so be ready and don't run from it.

These things are not always true for everyone and the key is that your partner should always point you to Jesus. If you are in a relationship and feel like you have so many issues with no peace, it’s not centered in God's truth or pulling you away from the Lord, it’s probably not the relationship for you. I want you to ask yourself have I fully surrendered to allowing God to work things out of my life potentially through this other person (your partner) and have you taken the time to truly read and pray into who you are called to be?  Do you know the biblical roles of wife and husband? Are you operating within that? Is God calling you higher and are you being obedient to that? Are you fighting growth? Do you feel peace within your relationship? Is your relationship not working because you're not doing it God's way? I challenge you to sit on these question with the Lord. Those who seek him will find him. 

Choose your dating partner wisely. Pray for clarity and pray for biblical qualities you want in a partner, and do not settle for less. A man of God is out there, we just have to be patient. 

RANDOM POINTS OF ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN SOONER:

• Just because you are dating does not mean that you can not pray together. Prayer is very intimate and vulnerable. There are studies that show significant decreases in divorce rates between couples that prayed together vs those who don’t. Uniting in Christ in this way is a powerful way to strengthen and align your relationship with the way it should be. Often in relationships outside of marriage we crave intimacy that we are not called to certain forms of that until after marriage. I've found that praying together creates a very strong connection that can strengthen your relationship and bond with each other. And there is no better way to keep the Lord at the center of your relationship than by inviting him in daily through prayer. 
• It is also very important to SET BOUNDARIES EARLY and do not budge! It can be very difficult to fall in love and be headed towards a place you really want to be (marriage) without crossing boundaries that are just not for you yet. I see you sister, it’s no easy task. Our Father is not a mean father; he truly only wants to protect us and work for our good. As annoying as it is, there are just certain things we are not called to before marriage. This can be a challenge because if you are walking like a wife it's very easy to feel like a wife and start reallyyy acting like one. I am not just talking about physical boundaries, but emotional too. Once they are crossed it is that much harder to course correct and it is in your best interest to set very clear boundaries as soon as you can!
• If you have crossed a physical boundary let me say this loud and clear, YOU ARE NOT WORTH ANY LESS NOW THAN YOU WERE BEFORE! YOU ARE NOT DIRTY, YOU DO NOT NEED TO LIVE IN SHAME, YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WILL NOT LOVE YOU ANY LESS, AND GOD IS NOT MAD AT YOU! Jesus loves you no matter what, but he does call us to TURN from our sins. So if you have gone too far: ask for forgiveness, leave your sin at the feet of Jesus, and walk in your new found freedom. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefor, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" Jesus has forgiven you, he says after repentance he has no recollection of our sins. WALK IN THAT FREEDOM!