In my Feelings

Recently I have found that God has really shed light on my lack in ability to really feel, address and navigate emotions. I have done some digging which is so necessary when trying to understand something about yourself. Without knowing the root cause how are you ever going to fix or heal with more than just a bandaid? Personally growing up emotions were seen more as a burden than anything. Or at least that’s how it felt. I love my parents and they are amazing people but I was never taught how to truly control my emotions. It became easier to deal with issues in my family and within my personal life if I just never even went to that emotional place. Fast forward to now it takes so much to really get me upset or frustrated, it takes so much for me to really get hurt or sad. I used to see these things as good things and to some extent they are. But I have been living my life under-feeling. I have learned that the Lord is calling me away from that.  Our God created emotions. He’s a God of emotion. Our Father created us to feel. He feels. In Genesis 1:27 it says “so God created human beings in his own image…” We are made in the image of God. For me I had to realize that it was not the emotion that was wrong but that it was the hands that held that emotion that carried it wrong. You may find yourself resonating with this. Maybe it wasn't your parents that kind of got this ball of pattern in your life rolling. Maybe it was a sports coach, an ex-boyfriend, your own mind, the list can go on. Was I crying a normal amount? sure. Was I belly-laughing with my friends? sure. But did I really truly understand how to empathize? No, I didn't. Did I understand my triggers and why I had them? No, I didn't even think I had triggers. You get the picture. The best way I could describe it is I was going through the motions. But my problem is I was putting my emotions in the wrong hands. While it would be nice if people handled my emotions with more care, at the end of the day it is not their responsibility. God’s hands should be the only hands all over your heart and emotions. For he is the ONLY one who knows what to do with them, who can truly see you and guide you. While we are here to love and serve him, he is also here to love and serve you! You just have to allow him to. I had to learn to allow him to truly be ruler of my heart and this was a huge missing piece. 

What I feel God is really teaching me right now is a couple of things. One, it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to get upset. It’s okay to be so excited you might explode. But it is also okay to feel much sadness when you feel paralyzed in your bed. There is never going to be any situation where your feelings are not valid, BUT there is always a deeper meaning to your feelings. The people or world around you may disagree. But your God sees you! He mourns with you. He celebrates with you. He cries with you. He understands you. And he created you to feel. Feel intimacy, feel sorrow, feel worry, feel happiness. In the bible there is a man named Lazarus, he got sick and eventually died. Jesus went to his burial to heal him and raise him from the dead. Jesus knew him and his sisters Mary and Martha and loved them dearly. He told the disciples before they left for their journey to get to Lazarus that he was going to heal the man. Once Jesus arrived he was met with the sisters to go see Lazarus. It says in John 11 verses 33- 36 “When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” Jesus the Son of Man who could have said no rejoice rejoice I am about to heal him decided to mourn with them. He felt with them. He mourned and cried. He felt himself. We should be feeling too. I like this story too because the good was just around the corner but that didn't stop Jesus from walking with his people. I think it is a good reminder that God always has a plan. He turns everything for our good but that doesn't keep him from sharing the valleys with us. What is so important is that all emotions should be brought to the Lord in prayer. You are called to feel but never alone. You are allowed to feel doubt or worry but what you shouldn’t do is sit on it and let it control you. Instead, run to him in prayer. The sin isn't the feeling or thought, the sin is accepting it and coming into agreeance with it. I am called to just be and feel. And when things come up that are not from the Lord I must bring it to Him and allow him to handle it for me. And what’s so amazing is, He does! The Bible talks about taking every thought captive, emotions play a huge part in this. We are not wrong for feeling anxiety, it’s wrong when we come into agreement with it.  He wants to take those thoughts and feelings that are not ours and we must allow him by inviting him into those spaces. He is so good and loves his children so much. Part of why and how he can love so well is because he is a God of emotion. It’s his pleasure to help you and guide you. You were made for this. God designed you for this. He is for you and not against you! Emotions have the ability to add so much to our lives yet at the same time have the ability to take so much of our lives. It is truly up to us to let it be a positive thing and remember who is on our team and the will of God for the emotions we carry. You have a good Father who always wants to be there for you. I encourage you to be intentional with inviting him into the space when you're really feeling, or when you aren't this week, the Lord delights in you always.